Jerry, you need to find god
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
