She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
