If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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