It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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