its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
