hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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