just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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