who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
