i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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