I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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