but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
