i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
