dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
