Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
