Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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