I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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