a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
