You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
