I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
