I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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