Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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