The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
