The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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