is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
