I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
