I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He shit in the fireplace
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
