Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
