I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
