I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
