i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
