my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
