You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
