Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
is it fun? or sober?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
