no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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