last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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