he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
