dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
