I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
