I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
