Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
