put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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