D3 body, D1 cock
I love black thongs
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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