They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so let's talk penis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
