hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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