The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
