During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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