hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
