I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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