I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
