Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
cat food counts as protein by the way
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
